Number 4. The Guardian. Being short is a curse: men paying thousands to get their legs broken.
Jesus famously asked, “Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit to his stature?” (Matthew 6:27) This question has also been translated as “add one hour to his life” (NIV), but let’s not quibble. The original Greek says more or less “add one-half meter to your life span,” thus forever mingling linear measures with temporal, but in context it applies as well to physical height as it does to length of days.
(For you Bible nerds, the words are péchus (cubit) and hélikia (lifespan), which are Strong’s 4083 and 2244, respectively. If you are unfamiliar with Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, fret not thyself. Just go with it.)
Many men of various heights have apparently decided that while they cannot make themselves taller “by taking thought,” maybe they can by taking out a loan.
In a gruesome twist on quality health care, the new fad is to visit a specialty clinic where doctors — who presumably at some point were at least aware of the Hippocratic Oath — will happily break both your femurs, and perhaps also both your shin bones, then separate the broken ends and let new bone material grow into the gap. Thus lengthening the legs, once they heal.
This process is amplified with steel rods pinned to the bio bone stumps. A clever turnbuckle affair (a “fixator”) allows the patient to turn a key half a twist 4 times a days to extend the rods further apart, and hold them there, while the screaming, terrified muscles and tendons attempt to adjust themselves.
No doubt this technique was borrowed from the dentist who first conceived of a method to straighten teeth. Or maybe it came from the Marquis de Sade.
For the stretchy patient, every 6 hours brings a fresh, new horror. Rehabilitation is expected to take 3 months. If you develop a blood clot and die, it’s quicker, but that does not happen often.
At the end you can expect to add maybe 8 centimeters to your height, a little over 3 inches.
The altitude-gaining operation in the UK costs around $65,000 US ($250,000 if you choose both upper and lower legs), so many men visit a clinic in Turkey, descriptively named “Wanna Be Taller” — I am not making this up — for only $32,000.
One man featured in the article started his quest at 5’6” and is aiming for 5’9”. He and his new wife decided to use their down payment on a house for the leg lengthening surgery. In their words, they decided they were placing too much importance on material things rather than “aiming for true contentment,” presumably the contentment brought about by one of them being 3 inches taller.
I think I need a bath, and maybe I’ll spend a few hours in Proverbs to reconstitute my mind.
If you need to chill out, the next story will really help you relax.
Number 3. The Gothamist. New York cannabis shops sue state over changed school distance rule.
Marijuana was made legal for adult recreational use in the Empire State in 2021.
(As a detail, the use of marijuana was not then, nor is it now, legal under federal law. It remains a Schedule 1 controlled substance. But several states have adopted the “do your own thing” lifestyle. Groovy!)
In 2022, the New York state legislature took steps to protect children from the presence of cannabis by establishing reasonable distances between schools and marijuana shops. The statute specified the retail establishment must be no closer than 500 feet from the school’s property line.
That’s about 2 blocks, which, given how out of shape many school kids are these days, may be plenty far away.
The statute was clear, but when the state’s Office of Cannabis Management began issuing licenses, they somehow measured the distance from the proposed store location to the school’s front door. No doubt that was easier to find on Google Maps, without requiring a GIS search of the lot.
Generally, the front door sets quite a ways back from the property line.
Duh.
Now, it seems that no fewer than 152 legal cannabis establishments are sited in violation of statute. This is a rich opportunity for retailers to lawyer up. In Albany, a suit has been filed against officials of the MaryJane office.
We shall see where this goes. If I were a cynic, I could anticipate a small conference with attorneys from both sides settling the matter over a shared doober.
Number 2. NPR. Labubu is a plush toy that causes a frenzy.
There is a certain segment of our global buying public that is wealthy enough to satisfy their inner child by adding frivolous, stuffed dolls to their apparel and accessories (may God have mercy on their souls).
Chinese artist Kaising Lung published a kids’ storybook in 2015 called The Monsters, patterned after Nordic elvish fairy tales. (I have spent many hours contemplating the deep life lessons embodied in Nordic tales of fairy elves… NOT.) The book features “a playful tribe of female elves known as Labubus”. Labubus are marked by chunky bodies, large eyes, impish smiles and sharp, vicious-looking teeth.
Nine teeth, to be precise. More on that later.
Four years after the book came out, Chinese toy manufacturer POP MART introduced a line of Labubu dolls. One was picked up by Lisa from the K-pop group BLACKPINK, and the Labubu became an overnight must-have sensation among K-pop aficionados.
I know absolutely nothing at all about BLACKPINK or K-pop, but Wikipedia does. K-pop is a “girl crush” concert music craze “which explores themes of self-confidence and female empowerment.” BLACKPINK is a South Korean girl band, of sorts, in the forefront of that sector.
(My white male American conservative senior citizen Christian assumption is that K-pop aficionados are exclusively pre-teen girls, but that’s just a wild guess. I struggle to match up the Labubu craze with the Psalmist’s prayer “that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace.” Am I over-thinking this?)
When BLACKPINK singer Lisa was photographed with a Labubu clipped to the carry strap of her handbag, the rush was on.
The POP MART marketing strategy, shamelessly stolen from Cracker Jacks, is to sell the dolls in “blind boxes.” You can purchase one for $30, but you will not know which of the hundred-odd models you have bought until you open the box. Cleverly, POP MART has cranked out many thousands of various dolls, but there are a few with highly limited production.
Scarcity drives up the after-market price. The rare Chestnut Cocoa model brings $149 on eBay.
Predictably, this fallen world being what it is, success attracts falsehood. Fake dolls, called Lafufus, have swamped the market. There are websites devoted to spotting the differences between genuine Labubus and knock-off Lafufus. (For example, an authentic Labubu always has exactly 9 teeth, no more, no less.)
So go out and buy a Labubu. Clip it to your handbag or your belt. Be one of the cool kids. Later, you can set it on the shelf next to your Beanie Baby and your Pet Rock.
Somehow, I do not think this all-consuming, maniacal pursuit of a stuffed doll collection is what Jesus had in mind for his disciples when he urged them to “Occupy till I come.”
Number 1. Daily Galaxy. End of the Smartphone Era.
Speaking of Jesus coming again, Bill Gates has announced The Next Big Thing in smartphone technology.
According to an article on Medium, Gates claims the ubiquitous cell phone will be gone in 5 years, replaced by next-generation technology in the form of a tattoo. No more phone to carry, or recharge, or lose. Instead, a tattoo will be applied to your skin in the place of your choice. The ink will be infested with nanocapacitors to provide constant power.
The Tat Phone will be with you wherever you go, allowing complete freedom… I am still noodling that concept. Read on.
It is not clear from Gates’ announcement what the human interface will be. How, exactly, will I use it to call a restaurant for a reservation? But never mind about the details. We have the rest of the decade to figure that out.
The notion that the tattoo could be implanted in such places as your forehead (for easier biometric access, akin to facial recognition) or your hand (for waving across a credit card reader) gives some Biblically literate readers pause. These are exactly the places identified with the Mark of the Beast.
In some Christian circles there is also concern about tattoos, based on a reading of Leviticus 19:28:
“You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord.”
Like the prohibitions in the same passage on trimming one’s beard, or wearing clothing of mixed fabric, I think we have to consider that Old Testament context. The meaning is nuanced. I have found www.crossroads.net to offer a generally reliable way to understand what some Christians see as thorny issues, such as tattooing.
Tattoos, in 1500 BC, were generally used as symbols in idol worship. Moses’ condemnation was a way of ensuring faithful Israelites identified themselves as a unique people, followers of the one true God.
So let’s not get lost in the detailology. (If you are a parent conflicting with a teen who wants a tat, read the crossroads article for perspective.)
Still, the notion of semi-permanently affixing a web-enabled device to my physical body sounds like a 21st century hacker’s dream. All the promised benefits — enhanced biometric monitoring for improved healthcare, the convenience of hands-free access — all come down to increased freedom.
I cannot escape Rock-of-the-Church Peter’s comment:
“…Promising them freedom while they themselves are slaves of corruption.”
Anytime we trade freedom for security, look out. We may soon have neither.
A word about the Cancer Ward
I know “the Cancer Ward” is old terminology, suggesting 1940s images of large, impersonal, antiseptic rooms with steel cots holding rows of the sick and dying. But titling the book Alligator Wrestling in the Hospital Cancer Treatment Center seemed like too much a mouthful.
I am continually humbled, impressed and gratified by your gifts in making copies of Alligator Wrestling in the Cancer Ward available to cancer patients and their families. Twice a month, Friday afternoons find me visiting a few of those in treatment at Ascension Via Christi St. Francis Hospital in Wichita, Kansas. I am a certified volunteer, complete with vest and official ID badge, and I do my best to look the part.
A complimentary copy of the book is my calling card when I see a patient. Embarrassingly, some are slightly awe-struck in the presence of an author, and they beam with delight when I write their names in the front above my signature.
Lots of people impress easy.
Since publication in 2023, we have distributed about 2,300 books. Most have been purchased by you (you the plural; all y’all) in the Alligator Posse, through your contributions to the Via Christi Foundation, and by your paid subscriptions to The Alligator Blog. My sincere thanks for your generosity.
I would seek your prayers, that recipients of Alligator Wrestling would find peace and comfort from a loving Savior at a time when they are most vulnerable. The patients, but most especially the family caregivers, stand at the edge of a terrifying chasm obscured with uncertainty and fear.
The patient experience is one thing — enduring painful discomfort; the caregiver experience is quite another — most often helpless bewilderment.
May God be merciful and gracious to those afflicted.
And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, August 22, 2025. Examine yourself in a full-length mirror this weekend, and know that you were created in exactly the way God wanted you. I know you might wonder what in the world He might have been thinking… but that’s His deal, not ours. Like those guys with the talents in the Bible, just try to make the most of what you have.
Have a good weekend!
