Number 4. NPR. Two arrested for engaging in a peaceful protest by throwing bombs.
Protests and explosions rocked New York City’s upper east side when crowds gathered outside Gracie Mansion, the traditional official residence of the Mayor. News reports indicate that neither Mayor Mamdani nor his wife were there at the time, but it did not escape Hizzonor’s notice.
Mamdani later—actually quite a bit later—issued a statement that made his opinion clear from the first paragraph: “White supremacist Jake Lang organized a protest outside Gracie Mansion rooted in bigotry and racism. Such hate has no place in New York City. It is an affront to our city’s values and the unity that defines who we are.”
That was followed by some additional words about how bad it was that bombs were thrown because “that’s NOT who we are.” (Don’t look now, Mr. Mayor, but that may be PRECISELY who we are.)
At the center of the initial protest was one of the J6 perpetrators of the worst act of unprovoked aggression since Pearl Harbor, or maybe since Guy Fawkes—except that was in Britain, not in the U.S. Now, protester Lang is back at it again with a mob that was bent on destroying Gracie Mansion.
Or at least standing peacefully across the street armed with a megaphone, cardboard signs, 20 followers and no bombs. The event was called “Stop the Islamic Takeover of New York City.””
Others took umbrage at the notion that the “Islamic Takeover of New York City” should be stopped. They staged a counter protest, which drew 125, and they actually did have bombs.
A pair of upper middle class Pennsylvania teenagers, named Emir and Ibrahim and whose parents are naturalized U.S. citizens, threw explosives while shouting something that maybe sounded like “Papaya at the Snack Bar!” The explosives did no harm, despite Emir’s and Ibrahim’s hope that they could do greater damage than that done at the Boston Marathon, where 3 were killed in 2013.
Maybe they were seeking a body count of 4 or 5… a 30-40% increase. That would be a respectable increment.
I love how the story was presented by PBS affiliate WVIA Radio, which described “an anti-Islamic rally outside the New York mayor’s home where two suspects threw homemade bombs…”
Reading that paragraph, or hearing it on the radio, one would conclude that the first protest, the peaceful Anti-Islamics, showed up and threw bombs. You could be excused for thinking that because… that is what it reported.
So… try this: “I went shopping at a grocery store last week where they had a sale on fentanyl.” The fact that I went there to buy a loaf of bread and a half-gallon of milk, but not fentanyl, is the sort of detail that gets lost when there is a political narrative afoot.
Meanwhile, the two teens, aged 18 and 19, who tossed malfunctioning Triacetone Triperoxide (TATP) improvised explosive devices into the crowd, appeared to be unrepentant. At the police station, one asked for paper and pen, where he allegedly wrote: “I hate America, so I made a bomb and threw it. Also, I’d like to order a Big Mac with large fries and a Coke.”
Just a small item here, perhaps reflective of small thinking. A protester in Portland who was… well, who was protesting… joined others in the street to burn U.S. flags.
That’s a convenient target because there are always lots of flags around, they are flammable, burning them makes lots of people upset, it videos well if you can get a flame started on a dark street, and the flags themselves never shoot back.
This flag was a bridge too far for the young protester. (A metaphor which may be TOTALLY lost on the man in question.) After igniting the defenseless red, white and blue material, he appeared to dance through it. That was unwise, because his trousers were just as flammable as Old Glory. His dance step suddenly became much more agitated.
On-lookers in the street can be seen shaking their heads slowly and mouthing something that would be inappropriate for a family publication.
Well.
That’s just not who we are.
Unfortunately, it appears that that is exactly who some of us are.
Number 2. Good News Network. Kazakhstan plants trees to make nice for Siberian Tigers.
A decades-long effort to re-populate Kazakhstan with Amur tigers has begun with reforestation. Tigers cannot survive without particular heavily forested surroundings.
The article is not especially clear on why they require forest or jungle, except perhaps that it makes much better background video footage than, say, the Kansas Flint Hills grassland.
The Amur Tiger has been described as a super-carnivore. I’m not exactly clear what the difference is between a carnivore and a super-carnivore, but the takeaway is that I don’t plan to watch him from nearby while he eats his dinner. They prefer fresh meat, like that presented by other animals that DO live in forests and jungles.
Amurs don’t exactly browse on willow, oleaster or turanga trees, but deer and other ungulates do. (I had to look it up, too. An ungulate is a hoofed mammal.) With 37,000 of these trees planted last year, in addition to the 20 some thousand planted in the last five years, trees are now growing tall enough to attract the deer so highly desired by the Amur.
In a pinch, the tiger will settle for elk, wild boar, lynx and bear, with occasional forays into fish and rabbits.
With large paws doing double duty as snow-shoes, Amurs, also known as Siberian Tigers, are native to Russia, China, North Korea and other snowy places. Formerly they were found in the Stans, but by 1940 only a few dozen remained there.
I suppose I am glad their species is being protected. Next time I visit Kazakhstan, I’ll try to take a stroll in the forest during evening feeding time to see if I can spy an Amur Tiger.
“Here, kitty kitty!”
Number 1. ABP Live. Earthquake strikes Iran. Experts conflicted over God’s messaging.
Some three days after U.S. and Israeli forces commenced their combined attack on Iranian military and government assets, a magnitude 4.3 earthquake was felt in southern Iran.
Long a superstition that earthquakes are a sign from the heavens, this tremor triggered speculation that God was speaking His mind.
At times, His message can be unclear to us mere mortals.
Right-wing activist Rooney “The Hammer” Warbucks postulated the earthquake was a clear sign of the attack’s approval from the God of the Old Testament. Counting the seconds between follow-on tremors and multiplying by the number of Tomahawk missiles fired in the initial salvos, The Hammer drew parallels with the destruction of Jericho and the fall of Sodom.
How the arithmetic worked is not quite clear, but Mr. Warbucks excitedly predicted a favorable outcome: “These people are toast! A parking lot would be an improvement over what they’re about to see!”
With a contrary interpretation, Kahlazir Mukturban Jihad Walid Obliteraktun, who until this week was a leading spokesman for the Iranian Assembly of Experts, had this to say: “This sign from the Prophet proves that the enemies of our holy cause are dead men wa—” when his comments were cut short by what appeared to be a loud explosion nearby.
We hope to bring a follow up report once Mr. Obliteraktun gathers himself.
And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, March 13, 2026. With all the advances in new camera technology you can now carry on your belt, think of the close-up photo opportunities awaiting you with the restored Siberian Tigers! This may be a great time to plan that once-in-a-lifetime trip to the new forested savanna in southern Kazakhstan!
With luck, you may catch one of them at supper time and learn what distinguishes a super-carnivore from a common, everyday, run-of-the-mill meat-eater.
It may bring a whole new meaning to “once-in-a-lifetime”!
Have a good weekend!
