Programming note: The computer generated transcript leaves a lot to be desired. Good luck with it!
INTRO
Yes here he is again Santa claus himself. Let’s go!
Welcome to The Alligator Blog Christmas edition.
December 18, 2023. I’m your host, Curt Ghormley.
Today is the 2nd of 3 exclusive interviews. Santa is working feverishly to get the toys finished and the sleigh packed up. The reindeer are relaxing before their big night but they are really excited to deliver the presents. Let’s hear what Santa has to say!
CURT
And yes, here he is again, Santa Claus himself, and let's go!
Welcome to The Alligator Blog Christmas Edition.
Today is December 18, 2023.
I'm your host, Curt Ghormley.
Today is the second of three exclusive interviews.
Santa is working feverishly to get the toys finished and the sleigh all packed up.
The reindeer are relaxing before their big night, but they're really excited to deliver their presents.
Let's hear what Santa has to say.
We're back here again.
We're back here again with Santa Claus for the second in this interview series.
Santa, the clock is winding down, right?
You've got like, what, we're seven days away now from the big night, right?
SANTA
That's right, Curt.
We are getting down to
The D-Day.
Delivery.
Yes.
CURT
Delivery day.
That's what you call that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so one thing that's always concerned me to know about this Santa is when you, you, you fly the sleigh, right?
Because the reindeer are capable of towing him through the sky.
Exactly.
When you do that, what kind of, what kind of legal constrictions are there in your movements?
Is there overflight approvals that are required from various countries?
Because you're going all over the world, right?
SANTA
That's, that's right.
CURT
How do you manage that?
SANTA
Yeah, well, we, it is a challenge we we've we've managed with the latest stealth.
technology.
CURT
Oh, you're using stealth technology?
Yeah, it's great.
SANTA
We got the we got the sleigh
stealth technology that covers our sleigh
CURT
So an anechoic coating or something that doesn't give a bounce back to this.
I couldn't say it better.
Yeah.
All right.
I'm sure I couldn't either.
As I've proven, I think you're right.
SANTA
Yeah, it's it's it's the top notch technology.
CURT
We can't
That's not like a Klingon cloaking device then it's different than that, right?
SANTA
Yeah, it's a little different just reflects.
I don't know how it works.
CURT
Where did you get that?
Do you have an ELF team that works on that techno stuff or do you?
Do you subcontract that, maybe Lockheed Martin?
SANTA
The AI team has a subdivision.
They have several of the, again, the younger elves that keep up with that.
So they have their means.
CURT
So it's your own flight operations group is what that amounts to then.
Exactly.
I can see that it takes some staff.
So have you had incidents with air traffic control conflicts or near misses or
Anything juicy like that you can tell us about in the past?
SANTA
Well, we did have a deer run in with a UFO.
Really?
There's not much I can share on that.
With a UFO, really?
Yeah, UFO, we don't know.
CURT
Was he moving fast?
SANTA
Yeah, he was moving fast, bright flashing lights, you know, the whole
Regiment now that we have had problems with Rudolph, his red nose shining so bright.
So we can see in the night.
We have to, we've had some issues with that.
But most people would look up and think, oh, that's a comet, a red comet.
CURT
Well, that's one of your one of your guys anyway, comet.
Right.
So yeah, that's right.
I'm sure.
Yeah, so people may see that.
But you know, that may actually be attracting the UFO population then that red nose.
Is that an exploratory thing, maybe?
SANTA
That could be.
And if we can enlist them to help us in delivery at some point, I mean, that could be a whole new another chapter.
CURT
Do you suppose that's a possibility?
Will that intelligent life be able to do that?
SANTA
Possible.
We have one elf that claims he was adopted or
SANTA
But we have, you know, we're flying quite high and you never know what you're going to find up there.
CURT
Well, yeah, that's that's true.
You wouldn't know.
And I just wonder if they're I wonder if they're if they know your mission and what you're doing.
I wonder if the UFO population is competing, if they're just
If it's like a ha ha, look at us, we go faster and our lights are brighter.
I mean, I wonder if it's that kind of a thing.
SANTA
Well, that that could very well be.
Yeah.
And we'll OK, if we were able to make contact, we'll we'll find out.
CURT
Well, yeah, I yeah, I think that'd be that'd make a really interesting book.
You said you're writing another one about the the naughty and nice thing, right?
SANTA
Yeah.
Nice business practices for naughty times.
CURT
Really?
SANTA
That's that's that's the tentative title.
We'll be putting that in every CEO's stocking when it's published.
CURT
That's a good idea for them to get that without having to pay the royalties on it or anything like that.
Exactly, yeah.
Will it be a signed copy by Mrs. Stiles or you?
SANTA
Yeah, there'll be collector's items for them.
CURT
I'm sure they will be.
And speaking of collector's items and all these toys,
How do you handle returns?
Because I know that's kind of a big deal for Amazon and some of the other big box stores.
What kind of problems does that cause for you?
SANTA
That is a issue we let the parents handle as they put together the doll that's with this arm wrenched off of it or the BB gun that doesn't work anymore.
They tend to be very kind and generous in their, not blaming Santa,
CURT
How do you handle remote work? Because I know that's all the rage in the lower 48 down here.
SANTA
That's a, that's a great question, Curt.
As you can imagine, that is a challenge to have elves scattered all over the North Pole, trying to do remote work on toys.
CURT
You can do so much on video, but virtually you can do some of that like we're doing here, but it seemed like it'd be really hard for the assembly.
process.
SANTA
Yeah, no, we've had we've had to bring 95% of our elf workforce back into the workshop.
CURT
Really?
SANTA
Yeah, so they they've managed to and they're fine with that.
That was part of our labor negotiations last time we got them back on on track.
Yeah, they love making toys as you can imagine, but I'm sure they do.
CURT
Listen, we're about to run out of time for this session.
But one of the question I had for you is is about the the naughty and nice thing again,
What kind of surveillance technology assists that?
I mean, how do you manage the naughty and nice and keep that up to date for everybody?
SANTA
Oh, that's a great question, Curt.
I'm sorry, we have our secrets, but I will say that Amazon Alexa has been the gift that keeps on giving.
So that has been a major boost for our naughty, nice surveillance apparatus.
CURT
We'll pick that up again next time, but I would think that the National Security Administration or the other three-letter agencies would be really interested in how you're doing that.
EXIT
And there we have it from that Jolly Old Elf himself! It is just really too good that he has taken the time to talk with us here. If you missed last week’s interview, you can find it at www.alligatorpublishing.com/santa-claus-interview.
2023 Santa 2 of 3 Interview