Have Gun, Will Travel

January 22, 2024

Showing off one’s rolling stock is an American past time. Who does not appreciate the time, effort and money that goes into a personal vehicle fleet? Even if it’s just one 15-year-old sedan, perhaps with a little rust and some torn upholstery, we drivers like to be proud of our transportation.

So, when I had the chance, I drove the diesel pickup to our Colorado vacation, pulling a 20-foot gooseneck equipment trailer loaded with ATVs.

I am quite sure everyone at the truck stop was envious, which was of course the point.

It all worked quite well until I hit State Highway 350 on the way home. On a deserted stretch of blacktop between Trinidad and LaJunta, cruising comfortably at 65 mph, I noted tiny flecks of green raindrops on the windshield.

This was a little unusual, because the summer day was warm and sunny, without a cloud in the sky. 

Then I noted the steering wheel became a little awkward, fighting me somewhat as I made a subtle lane correction. The RAM 2500 pickup was not equipped with that modern lane-tender demon determined to keep you from wandering.

The green raindrops... antifreeze, flicking up from the hood. That would suggest either a split radiator hose (except the hoses were new), or a leaking water pump.

The power steering is driven by the same universal belt as the water pump. That must mean...

Glancing at the instrument cluster, I saw the engine temperature in the red and moving up.

Realization came quickly as I found a wide shoulder to accommodate truck and trailer: The water pump bearing pulley had either seized up or disintegrated, destroying the water pump. The u-belt was torn asunder, causing the power steering pump to fail. That meant the air conditioner compressor, on the same belt, had also come to a stop – yes, the air from the vents was rapidly assuming ambient temperature.

The engine was still running, but it would not do so for long until irreparable damage occurred. The replacement cost of the Cummins diesel powerplant would exceed the value of the truck by multiples.

I coasted to a stop alongside the road, kept moving until the trailer was safely off the pavement, ensured there was plenty of room in front for the tow truck, and finally cut the ignition.

And there we sat, my proud fleet and I, all alone in the southeast Colorado desert.

With the windows down. dust gently wafted through the silent cab on a slight breeze.

Options: (a) Assess the damage, although it was pretty obvious we were not going to move without a new water pump and u-belt; (b) See if there is a cell phone signal and call a tow truck; (c ) Call my brother, an hour behind me, comfortably at home in the mountains; (d) Abandon the vehicle, trailer and ATVs and hitchhike to LaJunta, 50 miles ahead of me.

Hitchhiking on State Highway 350, with little traffic and fewer witnesses, is highly inadvisable, even for a tough guy like me.

I opted for (a) and (b).

Yes, the universal belt was toast. It came out in 3 pieces. Antifreeze still dripped from the water pump housing.

Yes, there was a cell phone signal. It was marginal, but workable. Triple-A was up to the dispatch, response to be expected in less than two hours. A bonus.

I unhooked the gooseneck and used a chain and padlock (see how prepared I was!) to secure the ATVs to each other and to the trailer. Another padlock with a long hasp secured the gooseneck connector, making the trailer as safe as could be in a deserted, theft-friendly environment.

The tow truck showed up, winched the three-quarter ton RAM ignominiously onto the flatbed, and on the driver’s advice we drove to a Chevy dealership in LaJunta.

I walked into Tri-County General Motors at 4:00 PM, met the Service Manager and explained my woes. Standing nearby was a well-dressed man with a golf tan and ebullient personality. He listened respectfully then introduced himself as the owner.

“You said you were towing a trailer?” he asked.

“Yep,” I nodded. “About 50 miles south on highway 350.”

“Highway 350!” he almost shouted. “That’s a dangerous place! I hope you had your pistol with you!”

I studied him. “Thanks for your concern,” I replied, deadpan. “That’s a question I never answer.”

He laughed easily, then added, “Okay, the service department will get you fixed up. We should have your new water pump installed in the morning. Meanwhile,” he gestured to the new car parking lot, “see the sales manager up front. He will loan you a pickup to go get your trailer. You don’t want to leave it out there overnight.”

The loaner was a demo unit, brand new with less than 500 miles on it, a Chevy Silverado 2500 diesel crew cab, leather upholstery, gooseneck turnover ball in the bed. A sweet ride.

I exchanged a photocopy of my driver’s license for the Silverado and went after the trailer. In two hours, I was back at the dealership and dropped the trailer, as instructed, on his used car lot under lights.

Then I checked in at the Cockroach Motel, drove the demo to a restaurant for dinner and enjoyed a quiet evening with a book.

The next morning, I (regretfully) returned the loaner, paid $200 for the new water pump, collected the trailer and resumed the trip home.

Brudder RC challenged me later: I was only an hour away, you could have called me, I would have brought you a water pump, a new belt, a couple of gallons of anti-freeze and tools, and we could have replaced it beside the road.

Sure, I told him. It would only have taken us till midnight, working by flashlight and lying in the dirt under the truck. With luck, I could have been home by 8:00 AM, with no sleep.

He took my point.

The dealership owner, meanwhile, pointed out that the purpose of the loaner had been to persuade me to trade the RAM and take the new Silverado home.

Maybe that would have been smarter. I hated to disappoint him, because that fellow was a stand-up guy, despite the sissy golf tan.

Theological Contemplations

Philippians 4:11-13 I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

I’m pretty sure the Apostle Paul did not envision recreational trips to the Rocky Mountains with Arctic Cat 4-wheelers on a trailer pulled by a diesel truck. Which makes it all the more intriguing that his counsel from 60 AD can find application in the 21st Century. 

It takes a certain level of unexpected disappointment and emotional bruising to come to the point where one can be “content in any and every situation.” None of us has exactly arrived there, but it is useful to remain somewhat disengaged from circumstances.

There is usually a silver lining.

Even if the Cockroach Motel is the only available option.

And that is about as Briefly Said as I can say it. If you liked this story, see the paperback The Alligator Wrestlers’ 52-Week Devotional Gulde, available at Amazon and at www.Alligatorpublishing.com. The audio version is also available at Amazon. It makes a great gift, maybe especially for the man in your life who has a hard time getting into his Bible. And, welcome to our new members. Glad to have you along! Have a good week.