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Monkeys escape! The Alligator News Roundup

Plus, Hackers intercept your calls to your bank; Fake bears attack fake victims for real insurance payouts; Free rental cars in Syracuse; and Everyone is doing the Trump dance

Number 5. The Gateway Pundit. South Carolina on High Alert after 40 monkeys escape

You may have seen this already; it’s about two weeks old. I should have covered it then, but I had other stories of crazed wildlife set loose on an unsuspecting population, for example, the U.S. presidential election.

The Alpha Genesis research facility in Yemassee, South Carolina, reported that 43 rhesus macaque monkeys escaped from captivity and into the surrounding community. These were all young females, weighing no more than 7 lbs, and the lab assured residents that they were completely harmless and were too young to carry any disease. If found, they should not be approached, and a call should immediately be placed to 9-1-1.

Harmless probably, yes, in the same way that a 2-foot-long garter snake found in your bed covers at 2:00 AM, where he is harmlessly and fruitlessly searching for insects and small mice, might be considered harmless. Or a dozen completely friendly tarantulas reposing gently on your bathtub rim when you pull back the shower curtain might be said to be harmless.

While there have been follow up stories in the press, I have not seen anything describing the nature of the research in which the primates were assisting. Again, completely harmless, I am sure.

Yes, I am quite sure.

I read this plot once before, in an entertainingly mild horror story by Dean Koontz, where genetically engineered monkeys escape a California lab to terrorize the locals. It was either Fear Nothing or Seize the Night, can’t remember which. The books are in series but I read them in reverse order, forever confusing me.

Koontz, by the way, was recently interviewed by Larry Arnn (Hillsdale College) which probably is enough of an endorsement to legitimize the author as reliably family friendly.

Number 4. Bleeping Computer dot com. Android malware reroutes bank calls to attackers.

Fresh for your holiday season is a new cyber threat in the form of a shape-shifting Android smartphone app. When the app called FakeCall is installed (but please note, the app is not NAMED “FakeCall” when it is presented to you) it takes over live telephone calls you make from that phone to your bank.

Presumably, FakeCall accesses your contacts, and is able to re-route your call to a hacker. What is presented on your dialing screen is the authentic bank contact name and number. When the voice answers, you will be asked for the routine information banks normally require, such as account number, last four of social, and your security passcode to gain access to your records.

At this point, you have surrendered everything valuable.

Reports indicate the app can also record your live voice conversation, which I suppose means they can match your voice for future use.

The article suggests that Android users NOT download banking apps from any source other than Google Play, which at this point is still better regulated for malware.

On that note, a related clickable headline in the “what to read next” section of the article is titled “Over 200 malicious apps on Google Play downloaded millions of times.”

Perhaps you should just make time in your schedule to physically walk into the bank to conduct your business face to face.

Number 3. NBC News. Person dressed in bear costume attacks cars for insurance payout.

This is pure genius. Four adults who apparently all live at the same California address came up with a foolproof way to scam the insurance companies out of a lot of money.

One of the guys dressed up in a bear costume, complete with shaggy body, oversize head and metal claws, and scratched up cars belonging to his friends. Somebody conveniently videotaped the event. The friends then submitted insurance claims for damages amounting to $140,000.

Subsequently, the bear costume was found in their home — why throw away a perfectly good bear suit, after all? — and the four were busted for fraud.

Interestingly, the cars involved, which apparently were legitimately owned by the perps, included two Mercedes and a Rolls Royce. Say what???

Furthermore, the scam, if it had been successful, amounted to a net take of maybe $35,000 each. Less the cost of the bear costume, I suppose. It might be easier just to get a telemarketing job.

I would say the amount of brain cells that fed this scheme is on the level of 5th graders, except that all the 5th graders I know are much more clever than this.

James Dobson, of Focus on the Family fame, once said: “When the nation was new, the Founding Fathers tilted the country up on one end, and everything loose slid down to California.”

That might explain it.

Number 2. CBS News. Denver mayor caught in bizarre rental car meltdown.

Some things about this story don’t quite add up, but I’m willing to chalk that up to a stressed reporter trying to piece together unexpected snippets of data before the publishing deadline.

Last summer, travelers to Syracuse, New York, arrived by air and found the Hertz rental car counter, where they had reservations, deserted. It was 7:00 PM, and the evening shift should have been on duty.

I have been to Syracuse on several occasions, world traveler that I am, and I know the Hertz counter is a kiosk in the wide-open hallway, just past the grand piano sales display, near AVIS/Budget and National. Rentals cars are out the front door, across the street in the parking garage.

On this particular July evening, a couple of dozen customers showed up, as planned. When they found no one on duty, they helped themselves to keys and simply took available Hertz vehicles. That was probably inadvisable, but I can understand the approach of a business traveler on a timeline.

The Mayor of Denver was one of the perpetrators. By his own report, when he discovered he had taken a car not reserved for him, he drove it back to the airport and exchanged it for the correct vehicle. Honest of him, but I would be interested in how the conversation at the garage went.

Authorities were alerted when a would-be Hertz customer complained to the airport that she could not find a Hertz car with keys in it. Keys are generally not left in available cars. As I say, some things don’t quite add up.

A reasonable conclusion to the article, however, is that all the missing Hertz people were summarily fired.

Welcome to New York. I would remind you that this is upstate New York, far from the City. Upstate is supposed to be where the sane people live.

Number 1. The Gateway Pundit. “It is so loud” — President Trump walks into UFC

We have a new rock star on our hands.

After his dramatic upset of Kamala Harris in the November election (which surprised lots of people, but not everyone) Republican President-elect Donald Trump decided to take in a UFC fight. He was joined by members of his posse: Elon Musk, Vivek Ramaswamy, Robert F Kennedy Jr, Joe Rogan, Eric Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson and Director of National Intelligence nominee Tulsi Gabbard.

An eclectic mix, to be sure. They were warmly greeted by Dana White, UFC President.

Trump, Musk and others at Madison Square Garden, UFC

Madison Square Garden erupted when Trump entered. New York City is his hometown, and people who go to UFC events are his people. The crowd stood and burst into chants of “USA! USA!” UFC announcers screamed into their microphones to make themselves heard.

When Trump heard the Village People favorite “YMCA” playing, he managed a few impromptu, awkward, dance steps, to the delight of the crowd. Video footage made the rounds.

Now, everyone, it seems, is the doing the Trump “YMCA dance,” including celebrating members of NFL teams San Francisco 49-ers, Detroit Lions, Las Vegas Raiders and Tennessee Titans. It has also been seen in soccer, professional golf, and of course the UFC itself.

UFC, it should be noted, stands for “Ultimate Fighting Championship.” UFC features mixed martial arts (MMA) and has become a multi-billion-dollar industry to itself.

Having Trump, an early UFC promoter, show up unannounced at Madison Square Garden with Joe Rogan, a long-time UFC commentator and host of The Joe Rogan Experience, one of the largest and fastest-growing podcasts in the world, doesn’t hurt.

Maybe I could get Rogan to join an episode of The Alligator Blog? If one of you fine people knows somebody who knows him, maybe you could arrange that for me. Let me know how it goes and I’ll try to find time for him on my busy calendar.

Thanks for joining The Alligator Blog for Friday, November 22, 2024. Next week is Thanksgiving. Time to get those Christmas lights up! See you next time!

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The Alligator Blog
The Alligator News Roundup
The Alligator News Roundup is a review of selected news items of the week with commentary, which some find sarcastic, dryly humorous and entertaining.