The Alligator News Roundup for June 23, 2023. A short compendium of articles describing our world today, as dismaying as that may be.
Number 4. Western Journal dot com. Greta Thunberg Humiliated as World Refuses to End When She Predicted – Survivors Everywhere Are Roasting Her
In 2018, that perceptive paragon of climatalogical prowess Greta Thunberg, heard from an unnamed “top scientist,” and she swore to us that he swore to her that the world would end in a mere 5 years if we did not cease and desist from our suicidal planetary use of fossil fuels. That 5 years has now elapsed, with fossil fuel consumption at a new high, especially in China, but not necessarily in America. Despite the fact that the Swedish 20-year-old quietly deleted her tweeted prediction (shock of shocks) somebody on the internet actually took a screenshot of it at the time. The nerve!
Putting aside the possibility that Greta, for at least the last 5 years, has perhaps been surrounded by irresponsible adults either pushing her into, or allowing her to be pushed into a high public profile and thus make herself a very young political target in a very grown-up world, it would seem she will need a new prophecy to keep the furor over a planet in the throes of death, alive.
I seem to recall it was Alexandria Offering Confusion – or was it Al Gore, or was it John Kerry – who promised me we’d all be gone in 12 years, but unfortunately, I misplaced that calendar and now I spend my nights worrying how many days I have left to cash out the IRA and spend the money I was saving for my last fling just before the end. Because by now, surely it is upon us.
Number 3. Business Insider dot com. Elon Musk says “ESG is the devil” with tobacco firms trouncing Tesla in social-responsibility ratings.
Elon was left all a-dither after S&P Global gave tobacco makers an ESG rating more than twice as high as that for Tesla. The pure-as-the-driven-snow process evaluating an industry’s Environmental, Social and Governance competence focuses on business practices promoting sustainability and ethical treatment. Presumably this could mean the rating measures how well tobacco customers are sustained alive and whether they are ever subjected to products which could actually have been designed to slowly suffocate them over a period of 30 years, if cancer didn’t get them first.
Or maybe it means something else, like maybe Mother Earth should be sustained alive even though all her children are starved to death eating bugs and worms while huddled freezing in a cave with only a propeller to drive the turbine to boil the water to make the steam to keep the room warm, and then only on windy days. And that killing the humans outright would be UNETHICAL, whereas letting them drift off into emaciated and pain-killer-free final shutdown would be MORE ethical.
“It should be patently obvious to everyone,” said an unnamed source at Tesla’s new Austin, Texas, headquarters, “that building a car that uses batteries made from extremely precious and astronomically expensive rare earth minerals mined by child and slave labor in communist countries, producing mining waste byproducts that permanently scar the landscape and pollute their rivers, that are virtually inextinguishable when they catch fire, that must be buried deep in the ground when they reach their useful lifespan of maybe 3 months, and that cost more to be replaced than a new stealth fighter, is so much better for the environment than producing a 3-cent cigarette which people may or may not purchase, that the comparison is laughable.” Unquote. After which speech, reporters were afraid to ask any more questions, for fear that he might answer, and make them all late for lunch.
Number 2. Daily Wire dot com. Judge Strikes Down Arkansas Law Banning Sex-Change Procedures for Minors as Unconstitutional.
For the second time this month, a federal judge has sided with those who wish to immeasurably enrich the lives of young, impressionable and optimistic children on their way to productive adulthood by having some of the childrens’ body parts chopped away, and others fabricated into some morally odious and medically obscene thing that God never intended. Through such self-prescribed mutilation, they can be freed from the oppressive imprisonment of their natural bodies and allowed to experience first-hand the beauty of trial-and-error self-expression, along with the irreversible interruption of natural puberty, surgical wounds that may never stop seeping body fluids, scar tissue that will catch bacteria in hidden physical recesses for the rest of their lives, and debilitating early-onset osteoporosis.
“But it’s the Constitution!” proclaimed a body-morphing activist when asked why an otherwise healthy teenager should be subjected to this waking nightmare. “Our Founders wrote it to guarantee that people could have death, bondage and the pursuit of despair.” When challenged that the three words he was after were actually “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” he replied, “Oh that’s just your opinion!” Unquote.
Number 1. ABC News. Republicans set to push mail ballots, voting methods they previously blasted as recipes for fraud
In a classic “that was so yesterday” move, Republican National Committee chairperson Ronna McDaniel announced that the RNC is now backing mail-in balloting for the 2024 general election. (I’m glad I don’t write satire, because trying to stay ahead of the news would kill me.) According to the RNC as recently as, say, this morning, mail-in voting, and its evil twin, ballot harvesting, were the worst afflictions that could be wished on a representative republic such as, say, the United States.
The way mail-in voting is supposed to work is, first, you mail a legal blank ballot to every registered voter in your state. The voter obediently fills out the ballot, seals it in the official envelope, signs his or her name to the outside, places it in the provided mailing envelope and returns it to the election office.
If you wanted to cheat, which no one in America would, or ever has, and is in fact so astronomically unlikely that it does not even bear consideration in polite company... but just for purely theoretical reasons, here is how it would work: First, you mail a legal blank ballot to every registered voter in your state. It would be best if your state legislature had already passed a law that forbade election officials from purging the state’s voter roles to remove persons who had moved or were dead or were otherwise legally prohibited from receiving the ballot you just mailed them. The more ballots the better, because the high percentage of those unused by all those ineligible or dead or uninterested voters are pure gold, once completed and returned.
Ballot harvesting means your legislature passes another law that allows certain well-intentioned civic organizations, which have been thoroughly vetted by the same officials who sent out all those ballots, to selflessly and tirelessly call on residents door-to-door to collect those ballots and return them to the election office. It is most efficient, of course, if they call on high-rise apartment buildings, college dormitories, fraternities and sororities (are those still legal?), and, best of all, retirement centers and nursing homes. In some cases, the volunteer would need to assist the person in filling out the ballot and perhaps even in signing their names and stuffing and sealing all those confusing envelopes.
I suppose somewhere in here someone could place a recycle box labeled (Recycle Unused Ballots Here) near the apartment complex trash bin, for easy collection and re-use. Which they could not be, unless someone wanted to (gasp!) fill them out illegally and forge a signature. (Never! Clutch my pearls!)
During this present presidential cycle Republican-controlled legislatures (approximately half the country... the red half) have passed laws to severely restrict or eliminate both mail-in voting and ballot harvesting.
And now the RNC has boldly stepped forward to endorse one of those practices, and probably the other before we’re done. The RNC’s plan to get the states on board remains an unresolved opportunity for success.
I will be quite surprised if the Republicans can out-Democrat the Democrats in the 2024 election. But it appears they are going to try.
Personally, I am looking forward to finding ways to prosper and thrive during a Michelle Obama presidency.
Thanks for joining the Alligator News Roundup. The Blog is next.
Anthony Book Signing…
…At the Public Library last Friday afternoon. We are declaring it a success, given the hardy souls who showed up. Thank you, Book Club, for organizing the event, offering the refreshments and making us welcome. Y’all have a real nice library there on Main Street.
A special nod to Ron and Elaine, who made the trip over from Barber County. Apparently, they made it through the county border checkpoint with no issues.
Logical Conclusions
I have been thinking of syllogisms, which I know is a topic always front-of-mind for many of you scholarly sophists.
A Catholic nun taught my 100-level logic class in about 1973 and explained the basic form of a logical argument. I don’t remember all that much about it (which can be verified by reviewing the grades on my transcript), but the idea was to start with a Major Premise.
Add a Minor Premise to make it real-world applicable and conclude it with a “Therefore” statement.
Example:
Major Premise: All Fords are unreliable.
Minor Premise: This Ford belongs to Shasta.
Conclusion: Shasta’s car is unreliable.
The logic is inescapable as long as the Major Premise is trustworthy. Notwithstanding the Fords I have owned, which might validate Shasta’s predicament, the Major Premise here is faulty. (I think there was, in fact, a Ford once that was pretty trustworthy. But then they quit making the Edsel.)
If you start at the wrong place, there is a good chance you will end up at the wrong place.
Which brings us to the Old Testament book of Job.
This fellow was the definition of a hard-luck story. He lost livestock, crops and family and then had physical afflictions for which there was no chemotherapy.
Enter his 3 friendly counselors, the souls of compassion, who basically said, “Wow, you look awful! Glad I’m not you!”
In only 37 chapters, they offered him a logical syllogism proving it was his fault:
Major Premise: Bad things happen to sinners.
Minor Premise: Bad things happened to Job.
Conclusion: Job must be a sinner.
If the nun had had control of the narrative, she could’ve done it in a couple of paragraphs. But it might have lacked the rich flavor of the intense verbal thrashing the poor guy endured at their hands.
In our time, we have a tendency to shortcut the analysis process and seize on a Major Premise that is easy, accessible, popular and misguided.
Capitalism crushes the little guy!
Generosity to the poor is a waste of time!
America’s military actions create chaos!
Drilling for oil will destroy the planet!
The Titanic submarine is Trump’s fault!
(I put the last one in to see if you were still awake.)
In some cases, each of the above may have elements of truth (but the Trump submarine thing is a stretch), but at best, it is incomplete.
Coming up with a true and complete observation about the world around us is a matter of perspective.
Leaping to those sound bytes grinds up people like Job — and like each of us who suffers Bad Things — because all that is left for poor Job is the discouragement of thinking he must be an unworthy person.
That way lies the pit of despondency, which is never a place where God wants us to dwell.
The message of Job, by the way, has nothing to do with WHY bad things happen. It has everything to do with how we respond when they do.
I will try to make that clear this Sunday as I substitute in the pulpit at The Benton Church while the Master Mogul of Pithy Preaching is away.
America by the Numbers
Top 10 Automotive Recalls
Verse for the Week
1 Peter 5:5-6 “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
Enjoy your gas guzzler while you can! Word is, they will all be gone in a few years as we convert to quiet, safe and powerful electricity. Which is generated by nasty, smoky coal. So run your A/C! It costs more now than ever, but that money you spend is needed by the electric company to convert to new sources of fuel. Those new sources may be extremely unreliable and inflexible to meet peak demand, but at least it’s much more expensive!
Have a good weekend!
Curt
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