The Alligator News Roundup

Number 5. The Independent. Millions of hacked toothbrushes could be used in cyber attack.

And here I didn’t even know my electric toothbrush could BE internet connected. Like where have I been?

An article last month quoted Fortinet Switzerland, an international firm specializing in cybersecurity threats that will scare the bejeebers out of you, mistakenly suggested that smart toothbrushes all over the world had been compromised by hackers.

Presumably these were unruly child hackers who resisted flossing.

It turns out there was something lost in the translation. Or rather, something was GAINED in the translation, such that a world-wide crash of the global internet was said to have happened when, in fact, it had not.

So much for the panic.

Back to the subject.

What the Fortinet news release actually said, presumably in Swiss, was that toothbrushes which COULD be connected to the internet COULD be hacked, and the hackers COULD flood the network with false signals. This acronym for this type of flood is known to people who make up acronyms as a Distributed Denial of Service attack, or DDoS.

The DDoS did not occur, but Fortinet emphasizes that virtually everything virtual in your virtually vulnerable household is virtually subject to a virtual DDoS attack. This includes not only your toothbrush, but also your webcam, doorbell, baby monitor, thermostat and espresso machine.

And by the time you read this, it might also include your shoestrings and your belt buckle.

Number 4. Reuters. US EV market struggles with price cuts, rising inventories.

Sales of electric vehicles in the U.S. are growing year over year. It would be nice if they were growing enough to keep up with the new models crowding onto and remaining on dealer lots.

It would also be nice if the sales growth did not have to depend on federal subsidies to cut the price of the EV.

Perhaps another nicety not mentioned in this article would be if Chicago did not get cold in the winter, thus stranding thousands of out-of-juice EVs whose owners never really comprehended that batteries don’t charge well in freezing temperatures.

That’s the sort of thing you could have asked Dad about back in the day.

But not to worry. The Biden administration is holding steady on their course to require 2/3 of all new auto sales to be electric vehicles in 8 years, by 2032. In the Alligator Blog’s opinion, that goal is eminently attainable, especially if the auto industry crashes due to stalled sales, low prices and the threat of federal penalties.

All this makes a 1978 Pontiac Bonneville look pretty good. Wish I still had that one, but by 2032, driving it might be an act of Domestic Climate Terrorism.

Number 3. Space dot com. Titan has more oil than Earth.

I confess I get pretty confused over the we-hate-oil philosophy. Am I supposed to hate oil because it will kill the ozone layer, or because we will run short of it, or because the greedy oil producers are too greedy? Or all three?

It was nice of all those dinosaurs who didn’t survive to lay down in their leafy swamps and freeze to death a few hundred thousand years ago, so that their carcasses could turn into hydrocarbons that we could eventually use in kerosene lanterns, Model Ts, diesel trains, rocket ships and spandex yoga pants.

Now that we are theoretically almost out of oil, so the story goes, we will theoretically be forced to quit using it. Another source of the black gold would be nice.

And so it has been with great interest that NASA’s Cassini spacecraft has found plenteous quantities of oil and gas on Titan, Saturn’s largest moon. Photographs of the surface of Titan show innumerable huge lakes and seas made of hydrocarbons, each individually containing more oil and gas than our entire planet has in store.

Surface temperatures on Titan run to about 300 degrees below zero, so getting it out might require some new technology in gloves and mittens. Not to mention bringing it back here could pose some challenges.

But one thing i find really perplexing: This article does not make clear where exactly all that oil came from. Since I was in 5th grade, I understood that oil came from dead dinosaurs who lived in warm swamps.

I’m pretty sure I missed something here. If you can explain how oil, that comes from decaying dinosaurs, showed up on Titan at minus 300 degree Fahrenheit, let me know in the comments below.

Number 2. Blogs dot NASA dot gov. Psyche begins its journey of discovery.

And while we are in outer space, let’s stay there for a moment.

Last October, a SpaceX Falcon Heavy lifted a spacecraft from Kennedy Space Center onto a path to intercept a small asteroid called Psyche, which orbits the sun somewhere between Mars and Jupiter.

The Ceres asteroid belt is composed of a million or so asteroids that look like nothing more than the remains of an exploded planet. One of these small chunks is called Psyche.

From photographs, it looks like Psyche could be composed entirely of precious metals: nickel, copper, iron, platinum and others yet unidentified. The valuation could range up to $100 quadrillion. Whatever that is.

The spacecraft should reach Psyche in 2029, just in time for the value of the voyage to match the U.S. national debt.

It’s just a good thing this is a federal — not private enterprise — program, and that the U.S. signed onto the 1967 Outer Space Treaty, which says that no nation or individual can lay claim to anything outside of earth’s atmosphere.

Otherwise, we would have venture capitalists stumbling over each other to finance new technologies and create new industries, hoping for huge payoffs in very remote extra-terrestrial mining enterprises.

Number 1. The Western Journal. Taylor Swift may not make it to the Super Bowl.

I don’t recall the last time I read a news article highlighting what a celebrity did NOT do. But here is one.

Much to the severe disappointment of a huge segment of the population who will watch Super Bowl LVIII this Sunday to catch sight of Taylor Swift, she may not show up.

It turns out the singer works for a living, and will be in Tokyo on tour this weekend.

C’mon, Taylor! It’s only a 13-hour flight!

We live for the camera cuts to Taylor after Travis Kelce catches another pass!

This could make me give up football.

And that is the Alligator News Roundup for Friday, February 9, 2024. Enjoy your weekend! Keep an eye on your toothbrush! Curt