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The Alligator News Roundup
The Alligator News Roundup
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The Alligator News Roundup

News You May Have Missed

Number 7. Washington Examiner. Biological male cries discrimination after being ousted from New York sorority.

You’ve got to hand it to the narrow-minded, unwoke and bigoted leadership at the national Headquarters of the Chi Omega Sorority, which denied membership to an energetic and active 22-year-old who had rushed the house seeking a society offering love and acceptance.

Fabian Guzman, a bio boy at St. Lawrence University, has been betrayed by his sisterhood without the possibility of appeal - no one apparently wants to hear HIS side of the story - because of the organization’s obvious blatant transphobia.

Mr. Guzman claims to be non-binary. While it is not clear whether he has had the surgery necessary to make him binary once more, he says he has absolutely no intention to invade female spaces… thus making him unique among the 50% of the world’s population where that basic male impulse has ruled for about 6,000 years of recorded history.

What is clear is that Mr. Guzman has been highly active in his chosen sorority, rising to the position of recruitment chair, and being the subject of a feature article in the school’s alumni magazine, no doubt gushing over his courage and initiative in embracing the sisterhood. But perhaps that is a poor choice of words in this situation.

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Mr. Guzman asserts that he deserves - yes, deserves - to be part of an organization where he feels that he belongs. And that appears to be the crux of the issue.

If I FEEL like I belong to the Navy Seals, for example, perhaps it follows that I DESERVE to be a Navy Seal.

Number 6. The Blaze Media. Boston University law students offered therapy to help cope with several recent Supreme Court rulings that did not go in the left’s favor.

Law students at premier U.S. universities are arguably the toughest, most resilient and resourceful citizens among us. They are embarking upon a noble career demanding quick wits, thick skin, and a willingness to engage in a high-stakes, unflinching commitment to no-holds-barred verbal fisticuffs.

This is not for the faint of heart, and no one wants to hire a lawyer who is the slightest bit fearful of conflict.

That’s why we are so very fortunate to live in a nation where “wellness resources,” including therapy sessions, 24/7 mental health emergency services, psychiatry and other offerings are made available to students in crisis over recent Supreme Court decisions which did not go the way they had hoped.

Last week the Supremes killed affirmative action, the capricious canceling of student debt by Presidential fiat, and forced political speech conforming to that which the government prefers, all three of which Karl Marx or Vladimir Lenin or Joseph Stalin might have endorsed.

These 1-2-3 knockout blows caused enormous boo-boos among law students and prompted the unversity’s Law Student Government Association to assert that such catastrophic decisions by a majority of the justices “undermine the very diversity upon which our nation was built.”

I wonder if sales of Kleenex spiked in Boston last week? Just curious.

Actually, I think the concept upon which our nation was built was unity IN SPITE of diversity. E Pluribus Unum, I thought, meant “From many, one,” rather than “From one, many.”

But what do I know? I didn’t go to law school.

Number 5. Daily Wire dot com. NYC Mayor blasted for “mindful breathing” school mandate amid low academic scores, absenteeism.

Eric Adams, the new Mayor, fresh from his thoughtful and majorly problem solving plan to house immigrants in the spare bedrooms of private residences, has now embarked upon another Crisis Of Our Time Which We Can Solve With Grit and Determination.

This time the solution is “mindful breathing.” It is not quite clear what the problem is, but the solution is “mindful breathing” in the 1,851 public K-12 schools in the five boroughs.

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In only two-to-five minutes per day, students can be taught to cope with the unbearable stress of zero expectations, optional classroom attendance, irrelevant grades and uninvolved teachers by practicing deep breathing exercises to calm heart rates and re-focus attention on… on whatever it was that demanded so much attention when almost no attention at all is paid to scholastic material.

And whatever did happen to the migrants-in-spare-bedrooms idea, anyway? My search engine shows five articles on June 5, two more on June 6, and nothing but crickets chirping in the month since then. And here I was hoping to start a website matching migrants to beds, using something like Google’s Street View to identify probable housing, for a minor fee per match-up.

So much for that side hustle. Perhaps I should take a deep breath to purge my mind of the stress of lost opportunity.

Number 4. RedState dot com. The Biden team’s idea to stop global warming by blocking the sun’s rays.

In a 44-page report dropped last Friday (the drop day of choice for reports seeking to avoid media scrutiny, just sayin’) the Biden administration released the Congressionally Mandated Research Plan and Initial Research Governance Framework Related to Solar Radiation Modification.

I just love initial frameworks. And I am really intrigued by what Modifications might be contemplated for Solar Radiation. Here I thought that solar radiation was one of the unbendable rules of the system. That would be, The Solar System, as in, that great light which God set in heaven to govern the day in Genesis 1:16.

Without going into too much eye-glazing detail, the “Research Plan” speaks of SRM (Solar Radiation Modification) brought about by SAI (Stratospheric Aerosol Injection) and MCB (Marine Cloud Brightening), in contradistinction to space-based Solar Radiation Modification attempted by - I am not making this up - mirrors in space; and earthbound - or this one either - increases in surface reflectance by installing white roofs on buildings.

If you thought this was a joke, search for the term albedo modification. Basically, we should plant white crops to reflect the sun’s rays rather than absorb them. Presumably, we could bio-engineer a white species of tree and engage in solar-reflectant reforestation.

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Concerning Solar Radiation Modification, the Report emphasizes it is not merely the technology of injecting aerosol floating hootenpooty into the atmosphere as a sort of spf-30 sunblock at 50,000 feet, but also there would be societal dimensions of environmental justice, effects on geopolitical stability, tolerance of risks, and issues of public acceptance.

Do tell.

But don’t worry, the Office of Science and Technology Policy for Human Species Termination (I made part of that up) is on the job. OSTP serves to provide the President with technical analysis and judgment with respect to major policies of the federal government.

Heaven knows we could do with some judgment there, hopefully sometime before the Final Judgment.

Number 3. The Hill dot com. Human society is shifting the tilt of the earth.

The sun is not the only thing we have to worry about. There is also irresponsible human behavior, such as trying to survive.

We all know that watering your lawn and leaving the tap running while brushing your teeth is bad for the planet, but just how bad, the latest issue of Geophysical Research Letters makes clear: The world is starting to wobble on its axis.

This is due to our insatiable thirst (pun intended) for fresh water pumped out of the ground for human consumption (to stave off personal dehydration) and crop irrigation (to stave off worldwide starvation). We have pumped so much water for so long and so wantonly that the balance of the earth has begun to shift in its orbit.

The big culprits, of course, are dams and reservoirs constructed in first-world countries to facilitate population growth, industrialization, and crop production used to keep 8 billion people alive.

If this destruction of water goes on, then eventually, our GPS systems may need recalibration to specifically locate items, such as where your credit card is at this very moment, and whether you went to church last weekend, and how far you live from the nearest gun store.

Number 2. The Daily Mail. Prosecutor who signed off on sweetheart tax deal worked for Hunter’s business partner.

By now, you have heard that Hunter Biden, the one whom the President called “the smartest man I know,” was excused from federal penalties for tax evasion and gun-related felonies because, hey, he was addicted to a substance that made him not think so cleary, so give him a break already.

And maybe he IS really smart. I don’t think I could get away with that.

But now another issue has reared its ugly head. Assistant U.S. Attorney Derek Hines helped prepare the charges against Hunter Biden after a lengthy 5-year investigation (long enough, in fact, to allow some of the more serious charges to age off the statute of limitations). It has now become clear that this is the same Derek Hines who worked for former FBI Director Louis Freeh at the Freeh Group International Solutions, a risk management consultancy that partnered with Hunter on his overseas business initiatives.

Initiatives which are now under investigation. By Derek Hines’ office.

Initiatives such as those where Hunter flew on Air Force 2 with his father, then-Vice President Biden, to meet with officials in China, Ukraine and other lush cash-rich strong-man destinations where Hunter’s particular brand of introductions to his father could reap rich rewards.

But I am sure it’s all just a tempest in a tea cup.

Number 1. Daily Wire dot com. Arizona AG says she will not enforce state’s abortion laws.

And now, for our Profiles In Courage edition, Arizona Attorney General Kris Mayes is adamant she will not enforce that state’s recently adopted abortion ban that prohibits abortions for unborn babies more than 15 weeks old.

A close ally of Arizona Democrat Governor Katie Hobbs, Attorney General Mayes has decried the Supreme Court’s 2022 decision in overturning Roe v. Wade as a reprehensible act in eliminating a Constitutional right that has been in place for 50 years.

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In a move that was surely no more than mere coincidence, Governor Hobbs issued an executive order requiring Attorney General Mayes to handle all duties related to criminal prosecution for violations of abortion care, without restriction. The “without restriction” modifier means that Mayes, rather than local county attorneys, has sole prosecutorial discretion as to whether an abortion provider has violated the law.

Shock of shocks; in Mayes’ view, almost NO ONE who performs abortions EVER violates the law prohibiting the performing of abortions.

Kris Mayes is so passionate about protecting a woman’s personal rights, that she is taking a strong stand in favor of a woman’s right to take the life of her baby in utero.

One wonders, why stop there? The moment of birth seems so arbitrary when balanced against the overwhelming need to simply eliminate the source of so much emotional stress and financial bondage that a child represents.

And that’s the Alligator News Roundup for Friday, July 7, 2023. Don’t forget to visit our website at alligatorpublishing.com/store to order your Alligator Wrestling coffee mug, wine tumbler or travel mug. They make great gifts! Get yours before they become illegal in Arizona!

Have a good weekend!

Curt

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The Alligator News Roundup
The Alligator News Roundup is a review of selected news items of the week with commentary, which some find sarcastic, dryly humorous and entertaining.