To the reader: If you have missed previous versions of Gus O’Shaughnessy’s sales exploits, go back and find them. In the written version of this post there are links to S1E1, S1E2 and S1E3. I hope you find them worth the read. It’s just humor, nothing more!
Gus O’Shaughnessy’s Email
From: Gus O’Shaughnessy
To: D. Willoughby
March 26
Dear Mr. Willoughby,
First, there is really good news on the Omega 12,000 Digital 8-Truck Smokehouse front. The unit with the fried motherboard, that we agreed to purchase from North Country Smoked Meats in Shastaville, will be rebuilt entirely by the experienced crew at Shastaville Appliance. As you recall from my earlier email, Shastaville Appliance is owned by my brother’s father-in-law, so there will be no concerns about quality or reliability.
My brother’s father-in-law is Ernst Van Der Lundt, who has been servicing retail gas refrigerators and gas ranges in upstate New York for years. He has a great reputation and has attracted a quality team of mostly Dutch-speaking legal immigrants.
When I asked him about rebuilding the Omega Smokehouse that was manufactured in Kazakhstan, his people jumped right in. One of them speaks fluent Turkish, which is a plus, as the Omega Service Manual is mostly in Kazakh, which is close to Turkish and uses the traditional Cyrillic alphabet.
I received the new motherboard at home as a result of the Urgent Air Freight request I had made, and delivered it to Ernst. His crew has already begun work and, boy, are they quick! They should be ready to take the whole installation to Bob’s place in Ontario in about two weeks.
Allowing another week’s transit on a local semi-truck owned by a relative of one of the Dutch technicians, the whole crew will fly up to complete the install and get Bob upgraded in no time!
You mentioned getting through Customs. Not to worry! The truck driver makes regular deliveries from here into Canada. I understand he has a special route and is never delayed by Customs!
You can rest assured that we have the whole enterprise well in hand.
But I haven’t stopped there!
You made a gentle suggestion that I look for chances to sell some of our supplies that are in the Commercial Catalog. That was really great advice, and gems like that are why you are so successful!
When I was in Ontario seeing other meat processors, a man named Jacques invited me to dinner with his brother-in-law, who is a great fisherman and tells really entertaining fish stories, although he does not speak English. My French is a little rusty, but we got along great.
It turns out the brother-in-law, who has a French name I cannot pronounce or spell, so I call him Pierre, is the Chief Procurement Officer for the Ontario Department of Agricultural Inspection.
And guess what? He needs nitrile gloves!
Because of one of those ticky-dot government regulations in Canada, Pierre issues a new box of nitrile gloves to all 50 inspectors who work for him every month. Taking your advice, I sold him an initial order of 50 cases each of 5 mil black nitrile gloves in Medium, Large and X-Large.
You should see the Wire Transfer in a couple of days.
The only thing is, he tells me a new regulation is coming which will require their gloves to be a special red-and-white tiger stripe pattern, with a Maple Leaf superimposed, to match their departmental logo and color scheme. Surprisingly, they have not been able to order that custom print design from their regular supplier.
I called one of my college fraternity brothers, who works for the Chamber of Commerce in Cincinnati, and he referred me to an Ohio company who specializes in custom nitrile products. They can ramp up to the project at a price slightly above what we get for our usual black nitrile, and will have them ready for the next quarterly order in 3 months.
I called our Purchasing Department to let them know about this new arrangement, but they have not called me back yet. You might want to mention that to them so we can arrange the Purchase Order.
My new sales this week:
Nitrile gloves black, total 150 cases @ $139.90 = 20,980.00
Special nitrile gloves tiger stripe (next 3 qtrs), total 450 cases @ $144.90 = 65,205.00
Total = $95,185.00
Also, when we complete the Omega installation in Ontario, that will bill $217,750.00.
One other item you might see on my expense account is my upcoming trip to Astana, Kazakhstan, to meet with the owner of the Omega Smokehouse operation. As you probably remember, he asked for the meeting during my call last week. He wants to discuss a change in his North American distributorship agreements.
There are about 150 Omega Smokehouse installations in the northeast U.S. and Canada, and it looks like a great opportunity for Willoughby Meat Processing Supplies to get into that corner of the market! I will let you know how it goes!
Your Man in New York,
Augustus “Gus” Rudolphus O’Shaughnessy
D. Willoughby’s Reply
From: D. Willoughby
To: Gus O’Shaughnessy
March 27
Gus,
We received a wire transfer from the Ontario Department of Agricultural Inspection for $20,980.00. Unfortunately, this customer is not in the Willoughby Meat Processing Supplies database. Please complete the New Customer Inquiry form immediately so that we have their shipping/billing address and contact information. Also, enter a new sales order so that we will know what they purchased.
Gus, it is quite important that you follow our standard procedures in setting up a new account. Through many years of experience, we have developed a highly sophisticated system to keep our records straight. Any deviation from our procedure will result in orders being mishandled and the certainty of customer complaints.
Also, we received another wire transfer from Woodland Caribou Smokers for $237,500.00 along with a hand-written note that it is for 50% down payment on quantity 2 Highland Model 6L smokehouses. The dollar amount is correct, but Gus, where is the order for this, or these, smokehouses? I find nothing in our sales database documenting this sale.
There are a dozen options on the Model 6L that must be thoroughly explored and identified. Voltage; left/right orientation for door hinges, drain & microprocessor; wet/dry bulb humidity; cold shower; dampers; forced-air ventilation; temperature/humidity monitoring; smoke sticks type and quantity; truck configuration and quantity; etc, etc.
Does the customer recognize drainage and venting requirements? These are frequently huge issues that will cause nothing but problems if not addressed.
We DO NOT install smokehouses for our customers. That is best left to a local vendor known to the customer. DO NOT send the Shastaville Appliance crew to Ontario to install the Omega. They know NOTHING about this smokehouse. Neither do we, for that matter, as we do not deal Omega products.
Please DO NOT contact suppliers seeking specialized custom products, such as the tiger print nitrile gloves. That is entirely the responsibility of our Purchasing Department. It is no wonder that the Canadian Agriculture people were unable to find a vendor for such an unusual design.
Gus, your sales efforts, though showing admirable energy, are causing nothing but trouble and consternation here. Please cease and desist until you come see me for a face-to-face discussion.
DO NOT fly to Kazakhstan to meet with the Omega manufacturer.
Please let me hear from you ASAP!
D. Willoughby
Author’s Note
Sounds like Gus has run into some headwinds with Mr. Willoughby. We’ll keep cranking out episodes and see where this goes. Hope you enjoy them. They are a real treat to write! See you next time!
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