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6

The Alligator News Roundup

An irreverent treatment of the news of the week. Gun Edition.
6

Number 5. Fox Business dot com. California minimum wage socks workers as restaurant closes.

Well! That didn’t take long! Let it not be said that Gov. Gavin Newsom of California does not know how to drive behavior change with his leadership on the key issues of our day.

The new California state law that raises minimum wage to $20 per hour took effect on April 1 at midnight. By 7:00 am, employees of Foster’s Freeze ice cream joint were no longer making their former under-$20 minimum wage. In fact, they were not making any wages at all, as they had suddenly become former employees. The owner closed up shop as soon as the law went into effect, and workers arriving for work that morning found the doors locked.

If could be just a coincidence: Perhaps the retail frozen novelty shop was so poorly managed that they could not weather a measly 25% increase in labor costs, and it finally caught up with them.

Or perhaps the business was managed so well that the owner could easily forecast the inevitable result. Maybe he concluded that any attempt to remain open was simply throwing good money away in a lost cause.

Whichever way it came out, those fast-food workers are now set free from the drudgery of a $16 an hour dead-end job, and are finally able to pursue their dreams in the great opportunities that await at $20 an hour.

Just not at Foster’s Freeze in Lemoore, California.

Number 4. United Liberty dot com. New lawsuit brings gun fight to New York and SCOTUS.

All we are trying to do here is keep people from being shot with guns, and then some lawyer has to get involved to tie us up with completely irrelevant details. Such as the U.S. Constitution and Supreme Court rulings.

Three Supreme Court decisions in this century have clarified the Court’s position that the Second Amendment is:

  • an individual, not a collective, right (Heller 2008),

  • that states cannot exempt themselves from that interpretation (McDonald 2010),

  • and that arbitrary restrictions on carrying a gun outside the home are unlawful (Bruen 2022).

All well and good — sort of — but New York state employees are pretty sure that none of those cases allows a redneck from Missouri to bring his gun to the Big Apple when he visits.

Gun Owners of America (GOA), and some citizens named Higbie, Harris and Votruba have filed suit against the State of New York because New York will neither issue non-resident carry permits, nor recognize permits issued by other states. These individuals are residents of Connecticut, Massachusetts and Massachusetts, are thus non-residents, and therefore cannot get concealed carry licenses in New York.

New York’s intransigence on the issue — sticking to their guns, as it were (their guns, not your guns) — means that certain citizens of these United States have their right to Keep and Bear infringed when travelling.

Which is exactly what SCOTUS said was on the Be-No list; as in, there will Be No infringement of the right to keep and bear, like we said.

Like we said three times in the last 15 years.

SCOTUS has now accepted this new case. I read the entire Complaint filed with Northern District of New York. Sure wish I could tell you what it said. All I was really looking for was the name of the case, like Higbie et al vs. State of New York or something. It is not in evidence.

If the Supremes decide Higbie and his buddies are right, then maybe you will be able to take your Glock to the Met next time you go. Except for the thousand other restrictions that will turn you back into the defenseless lamb that the State of New York believes God created you to be.

Number 3. NPR. Maine lawmakers pass sweeping gun legislation.

Six months after a disturbed individual killed 13 and wounded 18 others, the Maine Legislature has decided they must Do Something to keep their people safe from people with guns. Some things that comes to mind are

  • safe gun training in elementary school,

  • 3-gun competition shooting teams in high school, and

  • public schools explaining the meaning and application of “Thou shalt not kill,”

but the Maine Legislature has moved far beyond those trite measures, which were each given up about the same time that public shootings began.

Instead, they proposed an Invasion of the Body Snatchers law, allowing residents to point a finger accusingly and scream wide-eyed at a fellow citizen who looks like Donald Sutherland, or who looks like he might be dangerous. Or who is unfriendly. Or who owns a gun.

The new red flag proposal was narrowly defeated, but what the progressives got as a consolation prize was a 72-hour waiting period and a ban on bump stocks. They also managed to leave in place the highly effective yellow flag law, which was in effect during the shooting in question.

Guess that one didn’t help much. Maybe the new ones will do better. Also, maybe widespread acceptance of a 9 millimeter on the hip would add a new dimension to the conversation in the public square.

Number 2. Citizen Watch Report. Finland’s bold new firearm policy sets global standard.

On reading the headline, you are probably thinking, as I was, that Finland has finally come to their senses and started using rifle barrels for flower centerpieces.

Not exactly. They have determined that, given a quite lengthy border with the Russian Bear, and some 20th century history about an invasion, and some recent headlines about distrust between neighbors in the Russian sphere, civilian firearms training might be advisable.

Really?

What good will armed farmers do against a nuclear bomb?

Frankly, not much after the bomb goes off. But during the saber-rattling run-up, it could be enough of a game changer that belligerents seek easier targets.

Finland‘s government has decreed that 300 new shooting ranges shall be established across the country. It is part of an effort to enhance military preparedness for national defense.

Finland has a population of 5.6 million. That means each gun range serves 18,000 citizens. The U.S. has 330 million people with 11,000 public ranges. Each of our ranges serves 29,000.

They have a better ratio than we do, as long as you don’t count the millions and millions of acres of rural land used for informal shooting here.

It could be that Tolkien was onto something when he said, “It is not good to leave a dragon out of your plans, if you happen to live near one.”

Number 1. Breitbart. New Orleans cafe puts cicadas on the menu.

This is a tough deal. In the satire business, it is well-nigh impossible to stay in front of the headlines.

I told you exactly one month ago (the March 22, 2024 issue of the ANR) about the coming fad of putting bugs on your salad.

Enter the Audubon Insectarium’s Bug Appetit Cafe in The Big Easy, with its new menu featuring “Cinnamon Bug Crunch, chili-fried waxworms, and crispy, cajun-spiced crickets.”

Yes, this is real. You may live in America in the 21st century and have never considered that lots of your 8 billion neighbors on this rock look for protein wherever it can be found.

In anticipation of a bumper crop of cicadas this summer — like maybe trillions of them — the Insectarium is looking for ways to expand its franchise in helping us understand, and live with, and even digest, the little monsters. The phenomenon of “Cicada-geddon,” so named by a researcher at UConn (far enough away from Louisiana that he may not have to face them on his plate) comes around infrequently.

The last time we faced such an onslaught of cicadas was in 1803 and Thomas Jefferson was president. But I’ll bet they did not make the menu at the White House.

Nor will they at mine. But I’d best check with the cook before I make such a bold claim. Food keeps getting more expensive, and I note we have had lots of new ingredients in the salad of late. Perhaps I’d better keep my peace, and eat what’s put in front of me.

* * * * *

And that is The Alligator News Roundup, Gun Edition, for Friday, April 26, 2024. Enjoy your weekend. Go shooting at the range. Burn a cylinder of .38s for freedom!

Before you go, strike the LIKE button and share the episode with someone who has paid little attention to gun issues, or to Finland’s national defense concerns, or to the possibility of bug garnishment on your dinner plate.

Remember, what is marginalized in one generation becomes mainstream in the next. The generation that follows faces public shame if they don’t buy in. For the final holdouts, that’s what the prisons are for.

Have a good weekend!

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The Alligator Blog
The Alligator News Roundup
The Alligator News Roundup is a review of selected news items of the week with commentary, which some find sarcastic, dryly humorous and entertaining.